I really feel like I'm being called to create my own garden. I want to fill it with fruits, vegetables, and herbs. I want to be able to chat with it while I'm tending to it each day. I want it to take away my stress after a long day of school and homework.

I think I'll actually go through with having a garden this time. I just need to find stuff that grows in late-summer/autumn & winter.

I'm almost always insecure at parties. I see everyone off in their groups together and I try so hard to join them, but I'm met with stony glares and wishes that I would go away.

This is why I really do not go to parties anymore. Well, at least parties in the sense of large gatherings of my best friends' circle of friends.

The only time I find myself comfortable at my best friends' parties is when we have all gathered around the bonfire she makes (whether it be in her front lawn or her backyard does not matter) after the sun has gone down or the sky has at least darkened.

 

I feel a strange connection to fire even though I tend to be more of a darkness or earth person. I don't understand why.

 

On another note, I took some pictures of the beautiful double rainbow that was the result of a sun shower on Friday (6/22). It was so beautiful. Sadly, in most of them you can't see the second, paler rainbow very well but the main rainbow is very prominent. It was such a beautiful sight that I teared up and almost cried.

 

(For some reason, the pictures aren't showing, so check my blog photos album and you'll see the rainbow pictures and the pictures of the fire at my friend's party.)

I'm so excited for my friend. She's decided to go to witch school in a year or so. Totally awesome.

And she's on Covenspace. http://aolia.covenspace.com

Drop her a hello, please?

Somedays I feel really horrible that I've "let people down" by deciding that I can't follow Christianity. I see the looks of happiness on each of their faces when I told them that I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour, but then I just realize that Christianity (or any of its branches) is not for me. I tried it, I really did. But I just couldn't get into it. Something didn't sit right with me. I didn't feel it like I can feel connected to nature and the "elements" of Paganism.

But then, before I get to feeling so horrible about myself that I just start to cry, I remember that I'm not in existence to fulfill them, I'm in existence to fulfill myself.

I have no idea where I was going with this tonight. There is a fuller and longer entry for this, but I just can't think at the moment.

 

edit; thank you for your feedback everyone. You all make valid points and I agree with you. It just gets quite frustrating at times when you think that the people you love (who claim to love you to) should be happy for you finally finding peace, yet they just bring you down even more. :(

I was so scared when I was at the library a couple of days ago and I was checking out a book on Egyptian Paganism, a Kitchen Witch's cookbook, and a book about Pagan marriage rituals. My mom comes up and takes a hold of the books and I felt like she was going to be her old close-minded self but surprisingly she was like, "Oh. Egyptian Paganism. Heavy stuff right there." I breathed a sigh of relief, but I still won't have a sit down chat and be like, "Mom, I'm going to be following a path of personal Paganism." She'd probably kick me out or try to Christianize me (even though she's not a practicing Christian herself).